E: Ever feel like.......
by Scribe E
Summary: Self Insertions suck do they not? Well I tried one anyway, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, this one turned out all right. Please read and enjoy as I get a Vasquez type problem in my life.


All right, I'm gonna try something a little different with this one. Yes, self-insertions usually equal bad, who knows, this one may be too. However, I had to write this down so just humor me and play along, if not, leave the page already. No one's forcing you to stay, heh. Please also note this is not a true story or any of that, otherwise I would be insane and so would you. All characters are probably real people in my life, but names will be reduced to letters *for your protection not theirs :)*. So please read on and enjoy cause its late.  
  
E: You Ever Feel Like....  
  
I woke up. It was around 9 in the morning, fairly early considering how late I fell asleep last night. I yawned, took in a deep breath; the standard waking up procedure. After I rolled out of bed, I walked down the hall and got into the shower. The hot water woke me up a bit more and I was able to actually see straight. I was able to pull myself out after a good 20 minutes and after walking down the hall back to my room, collapsed on the bed. Then the phone rang.  
  
"You should pick that up."  
  
"What?" I asked. Nothing there. Whatever had just spoken wasn't there anymore. I looked around nervously still able to see nothing and hesitantly picked up the phone. "Hello?"  
  
"YO E!" The voice blared out of the phone with a vengeance.  
  
"C?" I asked drowsily. "That you?"  
  
"Hells yeah its me. Who else calls your ass?"   
  
"Well A does, if she didn't I would sort to think the relationship was going down the toilet."  
  
"I hear ya."  
  
"What the hell are you calling me for now anyway?" I slouched over to my clock radio and saw that the time was 9:45. "Its almost 10 in the morning."  
  
"What do you mean....YOU WENT TO BED AFTER LAST NIGHT?"  
  
"Well yeah, normally when a person gets tired they roll into a thing called a bed and close their eyes, at which point the wonderful process of REM takes place."  
  
"Like the band?"   
  
I sighed. "Yeah, like the band." I said sarcastically.  
  
"Oh, cool. So you up for the double date? You got A to agree to it and everything?"  
  
"Yeah. Oh wait, who are you bringing?"  
  
"You know who I'm bringing." C said angrily.  
  
"Oh no, not the Culk."  
  
"STOP CALLING HER THAT!"  
  
"What other name is there for someone who can bench more than her boyfriend who's strong in his own right?"  
  
"Look, she's not stronger than me."  
  
"BULL! She can bench 275, and its just funny calling her the Culk, aka Crazy Hulk. If anything it'll give me something to write about."  
  
"You mean on your stories? How are those coming along?" C asked.  
  
"Good I guess."  
  
"Awesome, I always did like that one where you make all the ass jokes. What was that one called, 'Invader....Swank?'"  
  
I sighed again, louder this time. " 'Dib' actually, and yeah most people like the ass jokes as much as you do."  
  
"Sweet. Anyway, just calling to remind your ass. Call A as soon as you can to confirm it."  
  
"You see its crap like this that makes me call your girlfriend the Culk, she's gonna snap you in two if this doesn't happen won't she?" I laughed.  
  
"ITS NOT FUNNY MAN!"  
  
"Say she'll break you in half or I call it off!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"I'mmmm haaanngggiinnggg uuuppppp." I motioned the phone towards the receiver.   
  
"ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT! She'll snap me in two! HAPPY?"  
  
"Extremely, I'll see you tonight." I hung up the phone with a big grin on my face. I got off the bed, opened up my closet and put on some jeans. I grabbed a t-shirt with a big picture of happy noodle boy on the front.   
  
"Going out on the town tonight, E?" I spun around to look for the where the voice originated from this time and the only thing that I saw was an old metal mask.  
  
"What the heck?" I picked up the mask which my aunt had gotten me for my birthday so many years ago and inspected it for a bit.  
  
"Well, aren't you?"  
  
"AAA!" I threw the mask to the ground in suprise and backed away from it slowly.   
  
"Jeezus you're melodramatic when you want to be."  
  
The voice sounded sort of like my own, except it seemed as though it was reverberating off the walls of an insane asylum and a bad Heavy Metal song at the same time.   
  
"Oooookaaaayyyyy. You're talking to me....."  
  
"Yeeesssss?" The mask replied, still not moving yet a voice could be heard coming out of it.  
  
"Nice try C, but you gotta wake up earlier in the morning to get me all jumpy and crap." I picked up the mask and searched around it for a microphone, a recorder, anything that could explain why the mask was now taking on a life of its own. "Where the hell?"  
  
"Having problems?" The mask chimed in. "Trust me, you won't be finding any gadgets or whatnot attached to me making me talk to you. I'm real, well to you at least."  
  
"I don't buy it. Maybe I'm still dreaming."  
  
"Oh really?" The mask edged itself along my hand and pricked one of its protruding shards into my finger.  
  
"OUCH!" I dropped the mask to the ground and immediately began to nurse the wound. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?"  
  
"Are you dreaming?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, are you?" The mask asked again.  
  
"Well nerve endings usually don't work in dreams, so the logical conclusion is that I'm not."  
  
"Wow, smart one you are. Now if you would be so kind as to...." I picked the mask up. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Putting you somewhere so that you can't talk to me, thus making me think this is a bad Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comic or something." I stuffed the mask in a random drawer and covered it with clothes.  
  
"Better go downstairs," the mask said. "I think your mom's dead."  
  
I ran down the stairs in a panic after hearing this and saw nothing out of the ordinary. My mom had obviously gone to work and I could hear the mask's muffled laughter echoing from upstairs.  
  
"Christ." I said to myself. "I gotta stop being an insomniac."  
  
My mother and father were at work around this time and seeing as how it was summer and all, i got to lounge around the house, if I wasn't either working or some other crap. I poured a bowl of rice krispies and milk, sat down and savored every bite.  
  
"Close your mouth for God's sake, its disgusting."  
  
The mask. It was on the kitchen table in front of me.   
  
"SHIT!" I immediately leaped out of the chair. How could the mask be out of where I put it? I was the only one in the house so there's no way possible that it could....  
  
"Again with the melodramatics. Just calm down and hear me out for a second."  
  
"Oh lovely, you have a pitch. You want my soul so you can become a demon of the night?" I said in a low creepy voice.  
  
"Idiot, of course not."   
  
"Then what?"  
  
"You've read all the Vasquez books, you should know what I want."  
  
"SHUT UP!" I yelled in disbelief.  
  
"Its true. I'm something along the lines of those things. You can either attribute my existence to your own insane mendula oblangata or you can go with the rational thought in an irrational world."  
  
"Which is?" The mask's lips curled into a smile.  
  
"That everyone out there has something like me."  
  
"...... I can't take this right now." I threw my bowl in the sink and left the room.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?"  
  
"Work."  
  
"But you don't work today."  
  
"I'll take the overtime." I slammed the door behind me as I walked out. The trip to work was a good twenty minute walk. It had its ups and its downs, but it was better than staying at home at the time. I arrived at the bookstore *yes I really do work at a bookstore, weird coincidence, no?* and did my time. It was around 6:30 when I finished and I was mentally and physically exhausted.  
  
"God how many people have to order the fucking Teletubbies book?"   
  
"1000?" The voice came from behind, it was A.  
  
"A! How's it going?"  
  
"It's going. I thought I might find you here, what considering your house was empty."   
  
"Yeah, when a man's gotta work, a man's gotta work." I said with a grin.  
  
"At a bookstore though?" She replied.  
  
"Its a living."  
  
"You ready for the double date which you had to coerce me into going on?"  
  
"Coerce, damn woman, I practically smooth talked my way into you going. Give a man his props."  
  
".....You're not cool E, give it a rest." A said laughingly.  
  
"Yeah right, says you." I walked alongside A as we headed toward the restaurant.   
  
"Think you can get away from me that easily, puppet?" I heard the mask in my head. I looked over to A to see if she was able to hear the mask too. No reaction, she couldn't hear it.   
  
"Uhhh, I have to go to the bathroom." I moved away from A who sat down on a bench nearby and ran into the nearest bathroom.   
  
"Ohhhhh I ruined your fun didn't I?" The mask said as it seemingly popped out of nowhere. It was different now, its face was more contorted and seemed to make it look more devilish in nature. On top of this, it now had legs.  
  
"Ok, so you're just a figment of my imagination. So all I have to do is will you away."   
  
"Will away puppet, will away."  
  
I closed my eyes and began to wish him away. I kept wishing for a good five minutes then I opened my eyes only to see the mask tapping his foot against the ground impatiently. Random people began to come into the bathroom and simply saw me concentrating in front of the mirror, it made me look like I wanted to relieve myself without the benefit of a toilet. I opened my eyes ten minutes later, still there.  
  
"Just give it a rest already."  
  
"You're not gone, which means your clinging on me for something you need or want. All I have to do is figure that out just like in the books and you're gone."  
  
"Hoakey ain't it? By the way, Its been 20 minutes since you told you're girlfriend you were going to the bathroom, I think she's left you by now."  
  
"Crap!" I ran towards the door but before I left.... "This isn't over." I ran out.  
  
"Of course it isn't. You're my marienette and I pull your strings. I still need you, and you're gonna work for me until I get strong enough. Then, we'll see what happens. Oh yeah, we'll see."  
  
End Chapter 1  
  
In the words of Fat Bastard, "THAT WAS CRAP!" Sorry for making you read that, had to be done. I don't even know If I'm going to continue it or not, its a 50/50 thing. Who knows. Anyway, you'd better wake up, you've stopped breathing. 


End file.
